It's the morning after the country voted for our next president. I haven't spoken much about politics these many months. I have been divided in my thinking. Not knowing who to support, based on the negative propaganda that flooded our television sets, our news papers, magazine articles, etc. I bounced back and forth trying to weigh out my true feelings. Honestly, just when I thought I knew who I was going to support, some new development would rock the news and I'd be back to square one. I've listened to so many friends argue points for both the democrat and the republican nominee. With a smile on my face, I would listen openly, hoping one of my friends would say just what I needed to hear to sway me in one decisive way or the other. But what I found, was while everyone pushed for their nominee, the negative they spewed about the opponent would sting and leave me with a lasting impression that far outweighed the impression of what was good about their nominee.
One time, thinking it was okay to share my thoughts, I mentioned to a friend that I wasn't sure either nominee was worthy of anyone's votes and possibly there was no, 'right' choice. I was corrected rather sternly and even slightly insulted by my, 'friend.' My friend, insulting me? I decided I wouldn't let it affect my relationship with this friend who I had been friends with for 29 years, because my relationship with this friend is worth so much to me. My history runs deep with my friends, I have no personal relationship with either candidate. However, I did learn a lesson, to stay relatively quiet about this debate between the (two parties) candidates. I do give major props to those who speak their minds or post their views. There is risk in doing so. Some have a stronger conviction and therefore must express and I'm grateful for that, because much like in a debate, hearing the sides, hearing the views of others, helps many to react to something said and uncover their true feelings, feelings they might not have known they had. Eye opening moments can come through and yet, in the same breath, I can say, over these past months, some things that have come through may not be a true reflection of your friend, your parent, your neighbor, they are emotions spewing from an unsettling situation in our country, so find it in your heart to forgive, move forward in a positive light starting today.
One thing I've kept to myself over these past couple of weeks, are two sad moments I had. I found myself crying about the election, about my upcoming need to decide. The question of who to vote for. Should I vote at all. As I know, as you know, Americans are encouraged to vote even if they don't know who to vote for. You have a voice, use your voice. If you've been given the green light to vote, let your voice be heard.
I'm a Christian, therefore, I'm sure you know what I did. I prayed. I prayed a lot. I conversed with The Lord in prayer a lot. I spoke to my own dad a lot in prayer, who passed away from his earthly existence 18 months ago and one who loved political science. Even then, I found zero relief, I found zero answers. It was as if The Lord above, said, "Figure it out. You're a big girl, a mother, a wife, a good human, figure it out." It was as if he wanted me to struggle through it. He was taking this opportunity to teach me the power I have within myself is real. "Figure it out on your own. Don't rely solely on others opinions, dig, deep down into your heart and decide. Decide who is right for you!" I broke down in tears, for the ache inside me, my family, my children and my friends. All so torn. Some even losing the friends who prior to this election had touched their lives in a positive way, daily.
Yesterday was a hard day for me. Any moments of down time, any moments where I was alone, I was analyzing, STILL, trying to decide. As I went to voting booth, I thought about what I had told my 11 year old son, earlier that morning. He wanted to know who I would vote for because his school would be casting their votes and he would follow my lead. My lead. I still was uncertain. I gave him an answer.
After school let out for the day, I picked my son up and he went with me to watch me vote. At the poles I stood there between the two beige walls, my son beside me, watching. I stood there staring down at the ballot. He watched me and waited for me to start filling in the little circles on the ballot. I stood there in my final contemplation. He said, "Mom. How long is this going to take?" I turned my head and acknowledged that I'd heard his question, but I said nothing, I just smiled and looked back at the ballot.
In those last moments of delay, I spoke with my dad. I told him I wanted to vote the way he would have advised me if he were alive. You see, we often spoke of politics. It was something he and I did. I told him, I really didn't know what he would be advising me to do. Over the past year I had envisioned my dad sitting beside me on the couch, grateful I had political shows on so he could keep up, something he'd always invested so much time in. I thought if he were near he would be watching, albeit, probably relieved his need to care had passed but maybe in someway, being concerned about me and his grand-babies, he would remain interested to a degree. Because I had spoken with him so often about this topic, I talked to him as I stood there between the beige walls. I told him silently in prayer, that I thought I would change my mind once again, and vote for the other nominee. I told him, "If there's anyway you could give me a sign, I'd like to know if I'm doing the right thing."
If you have read my blogs in the past, you may know that I have extremely moving moments with my father and what I believe to be his spirit interacting with mine. Those of you who shake your head at this, I'm fine with your skepticism, this isn't your relationship with my father, it's mine and I often know he is near. He covers me in goose bumps, all over my body, sometimes so extreme I feel like I will crack apart from the extremeness and intensity of the goose pimple (bumps). A family member once told me, she had read about this experience. Could it be, the spirit of the loved one you are engaging with, has passed through you? Could it be equivalent to an embrace by the one who's passed? I've never been able to explain it, therefore I acknowledge my dad when it happens as his way of saying, "I can't physically hug you but I can let you know I am here with you, only on another level."
As I stood there and asked the question for a him to give me a sign, the hair on my right arm stood straight up and goose bumps covered part of my arm from ONLY, only my wrist to my elbow. No where else. It truly seemed as though he wasn't giving me a 100% nod on who to vote for, but he was telling me, "Pick up the pen and hope for the best." One thing that ran through my mind, one thing I heard, coming through, in his voice, was, "There's no way to know what is right, only time will tell,"
So I picked up the pen and voted opposite of who I told my son, only 8 hours earlier I would vote for. My son moved in close. Quietly he said, "Why are you doing that? That's not what you said to me this morning." I told him, "Momma is still in debate in my heart honey. Momma just has to hope for the best now."
Early in the night I tried to stay disconnected from the television coverage, I found peace in old t.v. shows from the past. Literally, I watched an episode of Little House and an episode of The Waltons. Which by the way ended as they always do with John-boy Walton saying, "Peace on Earth and Goodwill to men." A hope I shared with him. It was a Christmas episode. :)
Eventually I did tune in. I watched the television coverage on multiple news channels, I surfed to hear what people were saying. I followed posts on Facebook and Twitter. My heart ached for the division in our country and the division among friends. I watched people cry, I watched dreams crushed, hopes dashed. I watched enthusiasm erupt, I took it all in knowing just how important it all was. I sat somberly.
As the map of the United States shown on every major news channel turned red in support of Trump, I too was surprised. I found it very curious. His lack of tact and bad taste in his words not affecting his numbers? Was it the words of "Change" that he was promising our country pushing him forward?
Listening to the various anchors on various channels, I listened to the hosts trying to make sense of the scenario at hand. They were dissecting the best they could, trying to decipher what was happening. It was something that obviously had them somewhat dismayed, possibly shocked even. I continued to watch.
At 3:00 a.m. I sat back and watched as Donald Trump spoke to the nation with those who were up and watching as well and he surprised me. His demeanor was different, his words were well written, most likely aided by someone else close to him, he tried to draw non supporters to him and I found myself accepting him. I of course can only hope he continues to act in this manner, apologize for all the terrible insults, and unacceptable statements he has made. I certainly hope he realizes the errors in his ways and never reverts back to those awful ways of being. I could take a deep breath and remember the words I heard in the voting booth earlier, "Time will tell."
So today, I have woken to posts of people wanting to leave America because of our new president elect. I've heard people comparing this scenario that has, and is playing out, to resemble Hell and I was prompted to write. I know this is long, and if I've lost most already along the way, I'm okay with that. Sometimes what I write, is for me, or my hope that my children will one day read and find comfort in knowing their mother truly invested time and hours of contemplation during these trying times in our country.
I want my children to know, I believe we must stay committed to leading by good and positive examples in our own communities. Good people, who feel helpless, need to find ways to spread the goodness in their hearts so as to build up our communities in good ways. What happens in Washington has an underlying affect on us all, but what happens locally in our lives, in what we do and say, will touch people directly. Through our goodness, our upbeat personalities revolving around the wonderful things, that living in this country possesses, will help us be able to find good in this situation, in any situation. You can't threaten to leave the country because of this development, you must lead as though you are an extension of the office of the president. You will make a difference in the wake of this decision. You must remember who you are and who you were down to your roots before this banter between candidates began. You were a good person then, you ARE a good person now, and you are the influence in your own life, your community, your family, and your children's lives. They will follow how you lead them, so lead them in peace and gentleness, kindness and acceptance, and an understanding that who they are, affects all those around them, and that others often reflect what they see, so let them see the good.
We as American's can breed hate, can breed disappointment, can breed hopelessness due to this development, but why do that to your children, why do that to yourself? Be the good in their lives, continue to be the good in your life, the moving positive vibe in your life and your world around you.
Teach them you are resilient to any development. You will never give up hope when things seem dark in our country, you will not be knocked down, you will always stand tall, hold your head high, and be the proud American you should be.
You are the good you hold in your heart and by reaching out, grabbing the hands of your friends now and before this election, start in your own lives, your own communities, make an impact of goodness, graciousness, a proper example so we continue to breed good into the lives of Americans around us.
I will stand behind my president. I will hope for the best! I will breed all good in my life and to those around me, and I know I will survive any struggles because that is an American, strong, proud, resilient and true to our country.
Sending out blessings to all and envisioning a blanket of peace around the world today.
With Love, Hugs and Prayers,
S.
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