Don't forget about you.

The moment I found out I was pregnant I knew life would never be the same.  The moment you know a baby is growing in your womb you realize you are never alone.  You are a mother from that very moment and the caring begins.  Not only are you caring for your pregnant body but ultimately, the baby growing within.  The idea that this baby is sets of simple cells escapes us completely, it is a baby growing and that is that.  I feel sad that men can't ever truly understand what women experience when they are, "with child".  I remember lying in bed and placing my hand over my tummy and feeling as though I was already protecting the baby within me.  I was already caring and showing love for this little baby.  As my tummy grew and I became more and more round and the movements within became noticeable, I remember thinking, "what is inside of me has life."  The movements were amazing.  I will never forget that experience, the way my husband and I would both place our hands on my round belly and smile at each other in silence. 

There is nothing as emotional or as moving as the birth of a child.  The mother in us is so worried as the baby is preparing to come into the world.  We want to make sure that everything and everyone is ready and prepared.  I remember the comforting my husband provided, the support of my mother and the items I brought with me to comfort my spirit during this time of change, excitement and nervousness.  It's strange, but the idea that a baby was going to exit my body never really came to mind.  You push and push, hold people's hands, hear the words, "Push, bear down, breath!" all being told to you at once from everyone in the room then, out comes the baby, then the famous cry.  The baby cries and you feel relief, you want to see the baby, you want to know if the baby is alright and you are relieved when all is okay.  I remember thinking after holding her, looking at her little face that we, my husband and I had created this little human.  Just the two of us, amazing!  I also remember thinking, we would forever care for this child no matter how old she grew to be.  We also knew that we would never be two, ever again.  We would be three. 

Since the birth of my first born, and then the birth of my second, for which I have the same feelings I expressed with the first, the same emotions, the same relief when he came out fine and well.  Since then, I have been a committed mother.  I could easily let them run and control my life in every possible capacity available to me but I remind myself often that while they are so very important to me, I must remain an individual in my own right.  I must stay interesting, I must keep learning, listening, growing.  I must be a positive roll model who encourages my kids to also be unique, inspired individuals.  If I am nothing but a mother, completely focused on only my children and only the lives they are leading, the day will come when they start to pull away, become more independent, go off to college, get married, have their own family, move away, and where will I be?  I know that I will be with my husband, of course, but what else will I have?  Will I have prepared myself for their departure?  Will I be ready and accepting of their decisions to head off into the world, following their own direction?  I'm not sure that I will know if I'm ready until the day arrives.  However, I don't want to feel completely lost as they seem completely focused on their future.  I want to know I have a future too, I will continue on living through the items I've been interested in all along.  I love to read, and learn.  I love to talk to others and share in story telling.  I love to garden, go boating and fish.  I love to travel, ski, run, ride my bike, cook up a storm, be romantic with my husband, be spontaneous involving the things we do.  All that I love, I must force myself to take part in now, so that I can continue on in the same manner later. 

When you are young, you go to school to prepare for your future.  When you are old, you rely on all that you have been, all that you are and all that you do, to further your future.  I don't want to be an empty shell when my children are grown and gone.  I don't want to sit in self pity because all that I lived for is gone.  I don't want to be sad with feelings of, no hope, because I am alone in my house with only the footsteps of my husband to be heard in the back ground.  I want to live now, and I want to live then.  So remember to keep yourself interesting.  Remember the hobbies you love.  Don't forget to take time out of your busy, "mom" schedule so that you can keep the, "Life" in what you do outside of motherhood.  Be interesting, be inspiring, be unique and if you haven't started planning, start.  Explore, find those things now, keep them relevant in your life so your life always has meaning, because it is so easy to forget you, when your heart and your mind tend to focus on one thing and one thing only.  Those little people you made, you brought forth into the world, while they are so important, you too have tremendous value.  You too should never forget who you are and what makes you, you. 
S.