I know a lot of people read my blog. They may wonder about me I suppose, who I am, what kind of person I am, stuff like that. I'm a pretty soulful person. I am a very deep thinker, but not as bad as I used to be, because my kids keep me in the here and now, otherwise you might find me staring off into the distance and think to yourself, what's wrong with her. It's true, I'm gone, I'm somewhere else completely. I know I've mentioned this before, a trait I picked up from my father no doubt. I remember times when I was a kid, talking along, thinking he heard every word, but as an adult I realize now based on that far off look I remember so well, he didn't. He wasn't there, he was somewhere else. It's kind of funny because I've been there and done that.
Anyway, I think about my dad a lot. I don't cry everyday, I don't talk about him out loud like I did when he first passed away everyday. Sometimes I wonder if my brain really believes he's gone. I know our brain protects us. It changes thoughts to better suit our calmness, it makes things less scary, it blocks out the pain, the memory and the thoughts surrounding the memory. I can tell you one thing it hasn't blocked out, the way my dad looked in that bed, gone, passed away. I had never seen a dead person unless they were in a casket and at that point they've been so changed, it's obvious they've been gone awhile. No, this was eerie, and different and so not what I wanted to ever see. He looked awful and I stayed with him alone for a good ten minutes or so, just staring at him, thinking to myself, what's the difference between us and animals. Nothing, we die and look terrible just like something dead on the side of the road. I was mortified. I've mentioned this to my mom and I've told her, I would not have wanted to have been Anywhere else in the whole world, and yet, there is No place I wouldn't have rather been. It is not a fun experience. Yes, hospice did its job, yes they kept him from pain, and yes they brought about his death quicker than I ever imagined.
Okay, so enough about that, my main point for writing today was this, I think about him a lot. Mostly when I'm picking up my house in silence, or I'm in the car with the radio off, or I'm out for a nice long walk with his dog Missy. She is an angel by the way. I think about him, I wonder where he is, and I tell him I love him so much but can't understand his absence. One thing that has happened that has been interesting though is my fond memories that flood my brain a lot of him. He had such a great sense of humor and yet I know for a fact, not that many people knew it. Those who remember his belly laugh will smile. Anyway, again,...I always say my daughter has her g. grandma's sense of humor or mine, but I realize she also gets some of those traits from my dad, her grandpa. He loved to chuckle and laugh and tell silly stories, which he knew were silly and he knew that was what would make you laugh. He was sarcastic in all good ways with humor behind it.
So the other day, my sister...so wonderful...who has taken care of every random thing that must be taken care of when someone dies, has made phone call after phone call, sent letters to those needing letters, shown the death certificate to all those who needed to see one, spent hours answering emails, cancelling accounts and the such, she tells me on the phone that she's had a couple of incidents that she wanted to tell me about. Now, these ended up to be funny, and all the while as she shared these stories and we both laughed and laughed on the phone, and I nearly peed my pants from absolute, uncontrollable laughter, I know, I knew, he was there. He was there, he was listening and I could hear him laughing, I could hear that laughter. It was perfect.
Here are the stories-
My sister had cancelled my dads, Dish Network service just a few weeks after he passed away. My sister has all his mail forwarded to her and therefore slowly she has been able to catch things that need closing down. When the mail came a couple of weeks ago, there in the box was a letter from the Dish Network, It was addressed to my dad, it said, "If you come back NOW, you will get a $500 dollar gift card. My sister told me this and said, "All I could think was, well.... if he comes back NOW he should get way more than $500 bucks!" We laughed and laughed.
My dad did not have life insurance policies except for the ones he opened for traveling and trips over seas, then he did have some policies, but in general, at his age, it's not recommended typically that you have a life insurance policy, at least not if you have the money saved for such an unfortunate event. So again, in the mail box a letter addressed to my dad which said, "You're probably not thinking about life insurance but...." Laura told me, "All I could think was,"Well NOT now he isn't!"
And finally, a couple of days ago she said you have to call me, funny story to share. So I called her and she says that one of those travel insurance policies had been renewed and he had not only been sent a welcome back letter but he had been issued a new policy. My sister could not believe it as she thought she had already taken care of the necessary correspondence to have this cancelled. So she tells me that she called the customer service line and when she was able to speak to a Real person, she expressed that our dad had passed away and that she needed to cancel this policy. The woman, probably reading through her script instead of listening, said she needed his name and address. So my sister gave it to her. Of course the address is her address because he doesn't live in his home anymore, in fact it sold. So she gave the woman her address. After a moment, the woman said, your dad did not give us his forwarding address so we don't have this address on file. If he wants to cancel his policy he is going to have to call us himself. Now, Laura knew this lady obviously heard nothing she had said at the beginning of the conversation, and she wanted to joke with her, she wanted to say, "I bet he didn't leave a forwarding address, if he had....well that would have Really been something." She said she wanted to say, "Well good luck reaching him, and if you do,...don't tell my sister because she is pissed he hasn't come through for her." Instead what she said was, "You did hear me say my dad died right?" The woman on the other end gasped and said, "WHAT?!" My sister said, "Yes, my dad died." Of course the woman was mortified at her mistake and apologized, but when Laura called me to report this incident we just laughed and laughed, we said dad would have loved it. I'm actually sure, he did! xoxo.
S.
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