Sunday, March 27, 2016
What a dis-service...
Over the years I've had to contemplate how much I do and give my children. Often we as a society show love through the purchasing of, "things." We for some reason link the two together, love and stuff. Through out my childhood I often received. Being a girl, I loved clothes. My parents bought me clothes and I really felt lucky to have such nice things. As I aged things began to change and when I started my first year of college, I inquired about money for my school clothes. I needed enough money to keep me wearing the clothing I was accustomed to. I remember both my mom and dad saying, "You are an adult now, so you will be paying for your own wardrobe." I was shocked.
I kind of threw a fit. I probably sounded like a real spoiled brat. I was familiar with a particular way of life and it was being changed without my permission and it wasn't the first time. When I was living with my parents and my sister in our family home, life was grand. My dad took us on wonderful trips, he took us on shopping sprees, or brought us the latest and greatest things. Life seemed to be a bed of roses. I was a happy girl. When my folks decided to separate, I felt the thorns, things began to change, it was not fun. I was losing everything I loved right in front of my eyes.
As I entered college, things were so different. I had a job so I had money of my own. I decided I could handle this new perspective, that is, until the day I went clothes shopping. My money didn't take me far. I decided I had been spoiled after all. I remember going to my dad's office to confront him about this issue of money. I told him, I couldn't possibly stay in the clothes I was accustomed to without he and moms help. He plainly said, "No." I told him if he and mom knew this was to be my future, they shouldn't have bought me such nice clothing because one day, I wouldn't be able to afford them on my own. "In fact," I told him, "You've done me a complete dis-service by providing this, "upper class" life style, that I now can't afford and I have to accept this lesser lifestyle. I was angry. They were givers. They found giving was a way to show love.
As I grew, they expected more of me. They expected me to grow up, mature and start to contribute to my own existence. How dare they. In all honesty, I had it better than I deserved and I knew it. I was very grateful for all my mom and dad had done for me, unfortunately I'd come to expect it to continue, forever possibly.
Now, I have two sweet kids who I love dearly. I've given more than I should have over the years, and I know I've done to them, what my parents did to me. I've let them grow accustom to a lifestyle. We've, "over given." Over the past couple of years I've tried to make a more accurate example of what life entails. I've tried to show them a bigger, clearer picture.
Giving, "stuff," all the time, isn't giving them an accurate picture of the future. It isn't teaching them how love, joy, experiences and conversations play into this big picture called life. They need to become aware that, "things" are only that, "things." As we celebrated Easter today, my kids enjoyed candy filled Easter baskets. We had a wonderful meal, so nice, made right here at home. I read the story of Easter and we listened to some Christian hymns after dinner. It was peaceful and enjoyable. We talked, laughed and shared in tender moments. Both of our children were happy and content and they thanked their dad and me for not buying them a bunch of, "stuff." They reminded us, being together was what made Easter special. My hope is that I prepare them for the future, so the future isn't so shocking.
S.
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Happy Easter to Sarah and family!
ReplyDeleteA couple of things regarding Big Rapids and Easter.
When I read your stories, I always put them in the perspective from my memory.
My Grandmother was born in Big Rapids in 1890, and attended the Lutheran Church at the end of Bellevue in Big Rapids when she was young. I always wondered why she could speak German so well, helping me with my German homework even in college (I also received my Bachelor of Science Degree from UM-Flint). I never realized that until around 1940, Lutheran Church Services in many areas were spoken in German. German was also spoken along with English in her home a few miles East of Big Rapids, as her Stepfather was German, although she was Swedish and Finnish. My Grandmother is also buried next to my Great Grandmother in the Cemetery just beyond the Lutheran Church, and in view of Woodbridge N. Ferris' Mausoleum. A question that I always wondered about was if your house on Finley used to be the Parsonage for the Lutheran Church. I also wondered if before it was the City Cemetery, it had been the Lutheran Cemetery.
I never thought about asking my Grandmother these questions before that area and Big Rapids until her earlier stories became very real to me in 1977. In fact, I would go right past the family farm across from Ely School when I would travel between Big Rapids and Flint. In fact, my Grandmother taught for several years at Ely School after graduating from the County Normal and Ferris State. She passed away right after I graduated from FSCO/MCO in 1981. By 1977, her memory had become somewhat unreliable.
Right before I first went to Ferris/MCO in 1977, my Mother had seen your family picture coming out of Easter Services at First Presbyterian Church in Flint on the front page of The Flint Journal, and apparently had discussed that picture and my being admitted and attending FSCO/MCO that Fall with Jack Colladay at Chevrolet. Somehow, she knew where you lived, and we stopped on the way to the Cemetery to visit my Great Grandmother's grave site. You all came out and we talked in front of your house before we continued on to the Cemetery. So it has been about 39 years since your Easter picture in Flint. Do you still have the newspaper page? It showed the model family you have described before you were 15.
Dr. Ted Hammond
Hi. Thanks for writing. Yes, I have that News paper clipping. I love that picture too. I had a good day but sad too. I miss my dad a lot today.
ReplyDeleteAs for your questions about the parsonage and cemetery, I've asked my mom if she knows. I don't. I love St. Peter's Lutheran Church. I attended the school K-8 and of course we went to church there. I also was married there and my dad's memorial service was there as well. I also love the cemetery. It is an old friend for me because I played in it, walked through it, cross country skied through it, had picnics in it, sat and talked to those I knew and loved in it. My husband and I have our plots there. I don't know if I'll be buried there but I do have plots.
I love Big Rapids. My mom and step dad have property on that road Ely school house turns onto. Is that 105th? Not sure. We turn left off Chippewa Lake Road at Ely school house to go to their property. It's so pretty out there. Neat that your great grandma taught there. I know right where she is buried as I'm well aware of the surroundings by Woodbridge.
Thank you for writing. I enjoy hearing from you. Happy Easter.
My Grandmother, Anna Erickson Beals, was the ancestor who taught at Ely School, at the NW corner of 16 Mile Rd. (aka Chippewa Lake Rd. there) and 165th. The family farm was across the street on the SW corner. Her Stepfather was August Knopf, who owned the farm. August Knopf is also the biological Grandfather of several prominent sometime Flint and Detroit Area residents. My Grandmother's grave is next to the Knopf Headstone. There are still some Knopfs and Ericksons that are somewhat distant relatives in Big Rapids. My Grandmother apparently also attended the Lutheran School, as we were regaled with stories of walking "five miles to school in waist deep snow", which after the Great Snowstorm of January 26, 1978, I believed. The last I knew, some Schubergs owned the farm. I don't know if they are the same family that owns the Big Rapids watering hole though. They weren't too friendly when we brought my Grandmother to the house there in the 1960s or 1970s, and declined to give a tour of the old farmhouse.
ReplyDeleteYes, 165th, my mom just gave me the road address. I'm trying to remember that headstone. It sounds familiar. I don't know who owns the home, but I'm sorry you weren't able to have a tour. I have taken both of my kids into my house there on Finley Street. They love to see my room. The house has been changed some, but I still see the home I grew up in when I'm inside. They have been very nice letting us see the house inside. I miss that house. I know it like the back of my hand. My memories run deep. I edited my blog entry here. It was far to long. It's a bit shorter now. Not my best entry, but I'll leave it up anyway. :)
ReplyDeleteThere was a Big Rapids area native who worked with my Mother at Chevrolet Master Mechanics named Bob Laughrey, who was born on another farm right near Ely School around 1907. My Father graduated from Flint Central in 1926, but didn't have a copy of the Prospectus, so Bob's wife gave my Mother his copy that she had. You probably have a copy of your Father's 1956 Prospectus. I found a Mecosta County Plat Map on line which showed both the Knopf and the Laughrey farms. I think Laughrey's farm was further East along Chippewa Lake Rd./16 Mile Rd. Perhaps Jack Colladay may have mentioned Bob Laughrey. Here is a link to the City Cemetery/Highland View Cemetery. All of the sites are catalogued by Surname. http://www.usgwarchives.net/mi/tsphoto/mecosta/highlandview/highlandview-k.htm
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