Let civility reign!

Civility ~ Let us consider this, before we speak or act.

Saturday, April 23, 2016

I says it as I sees it....

The other day, as I sat talking to a friend, we discussed the idea of public speaking and standing up in front of a crowd.  She said, "I don't know how you do it!  I just get too nervous." I smiled and said, "How old are you?" She said, "38."  I grinned.  I said, "Don't worry, when you turn 40 everything changes, or at least it did for me."  I told her, "When I turned 40, I decided if people were going to tell me I was, 'over the hill' then on the other side of the hill, I would continue walking with an older and wiser approach to life."  After all, if you think I'm so old as I enter into my 40's then I guess I must be more accurate, more knowledgeable as well.

It's true.  At 40 I decided I was going to think for myself.  When you're young, everyone thinks for you and I've been thinking about this a lot lately because my daughter, who was always my, "Little girl," is now in her last year of middle school and in the fall will become a high school freshman. Times have changed and so has her ability to think for herself, something a control freak like myself, doesn't always like.  It is the way life is however.  When we're young, our parents do all the planning and we follow along.  They say. We do.  No questions asked.  No argument.  They're in charge.  As kids, this seems so normal.  Decisions are made in our, "best interest."  We assume no one could know more about what's best for us than our parents, we don't question it, we go with it.  Of course I'm guessing we've all looked back on our past and thought, "Why did they let me go out wearing that?  Why didn't they tell me my hair looked so bad?  Why didn't they tell me not to date that person?  Why didn't they give me more direction when I was choosing a career?  Sometimes their best interest wasn't exactly accurate but all parents I'm guessing, are going through the wavering, balancing act, of trying to decide when to let us decide for ourselves.

At 40, I thought, I've come into my own now.  I don't have to be intimidated by others views.  I don't have to choose my words carefully.  If I have an opinion I can share it and stand by it, even if it's different from others.  Sure I can listen to others opinions and I might be convinced to change my opinion but I don't have to feel threatened that, "I don't know enough. I'm not smart enough," etc. We do tend to judge ourselves and age plays a roll into that evaluation.  Once I hit 40, I literally felt as though I had pulled off the webbing that kept me restrained from just doing, saying and being who I was.  I often will be heard saying, "I don't care what others think anymore.  I only care what I think.  If they don't like me, then they don't have to hang out with me."  It might sound like I'm a snob, but I'm not.  I'm a good person.  I just decided I didn't need to feel self conscious anymore.  I'd put in my time being that person. Now I was able to be me freely.  This is who I am.  The, "what you see is what you get," approach.

When I stand up in front of others to speak on a topic, I am sure of my words.  I'm confident in what I'm about to say.  I stand behind why I'm saying what I'm saying, and I'm not intimidated by the critique of others.  As my step-dad always says, "What people say about me behind my back, is none of my business."And it isn't.  "Talk among yourselves I say. Hopefully I'll fair well." :)

I have really loved watching my daughter come into her own.  She is a strong person.  I don't know if that is because, I've been in my 40's during the time she has matured?  Maybe.  My personality may have worn off on her, possibly too early.  She stands hard on topics now and won't budge at times.  In those cases I sometimes have to interject the need for acceptance of others views and opinions, to keep an open mind.  After all, like I said earlier, I can and have been swayed on various subjects before.  At her age, being open can be a necessary concept in order to keep others happy and friendly.  Life can really be a game of strategy at times and unfortunately, we all find there are moments when we must play the game.

The day will come when you decide, you will think for yourself, stand on your own, and not bow down to others opinions or ideas, simply because you wonder if you can stand on your own. You will find one day, you just know you've passed the milestone in life that allows you to truly be.  Be you, for you, not for others.
S.

   


 


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